I hate 12-14 Year Old Boys
Yesterday I went to swim at Nanaimo's newest and greatest swimming pool for some exersize, and I almost stopped and went home before I left the change room, bc I caught a glance at myself in the mirror. I am heavier than I have ever been, and so I started to mentally talk down to myself- "No WONDER Steve was such an ass to me. My God, I'm repulsive, etc...". But whatever, I knew why I was there, and that was to get some exercize to fix this problem. B U T the pool was crowded with boys of the pre-pubescent variety, and I did NOT not go unnoticed by them. It was like being in grade 7 all over again. I felt like I had been given a beating. I felt like drowning myself.
I swam maybe 4 laps, and as I got out to leave, I could hear the little scrawny fuckers: "There she is!! LOOK!! Holy FUCK!!" They all had tiny little girlfriends who were wearing bikinis and holding onto their boyfriends waists, adoring them. Hoping like hell they never turn into me.
I went and changed in the changing room- I have never been ashamed about my naked body, but now I was. I've been to nudist beaches and I've always portrayed myself as someone who is 'out there' and loud and outgoing and is disgusted by people who are self concious bc of some physical issue because I am so OVER trying to fix up tiny 'flaws' so they can feel more attractive to men. And there I was trying to slam my body into my clothes before I was dry, in front of women. On my way out, I saw some girls who couldn't have been more than 9 years old, and they were putting on foundation, and powder, and mascara, and I felt more sorry for them than I did of myself.
The End. By Wendy
4 Comments:
if it's any consolation, i feel you girl-i've felt the same way and it sucks ass. i'm the same way as you- i try not to buy into all of that, but i still get caught up in it nonetheless.
i'm coming in mid march. i'll send you the datails in an e-mail. as for your swimming experience, i can relate completely. i haven't worn a bathing suit in 3 years. the last one i had i left in the change room of the delta besborough in saskatoon, after having a simialr revelation as you.
yeah, fucking 12 - 14 year old boys. mmmm.... er, i mean, kids can be so cruel.
you should just turn around and grrrr at them like a monster. maybe big bitches should be BIG BITCHES. but what about large ladies? what are they supposed to do?
i have been doing a lot of swimming lately. i usually do a few laps but then i just go hang out in the unlaned part with the senior citizens. one time this old couple was throwing back and forth a beach ball that was in the style of an 8 ball. that was really cool, and that was also the one day ever they were playing classical and i was like, heaven! usually i end up in the deep part seeing how long i can tread water. this could come in handy for me some day, you never know. i like switching to different body parts to stay afloat, and also going under water and sticking my legs in front of me to watch the hair float around and stuff.
and then its time to hit the showers.
no i am not random, but i do know jodi and all of these people. we hung out for awhile and she would drag me around trashy bars like some kind of prairies rent boy. once i was riding in the back of her truck on acid and she got in a minor accident on the way to the state. i was like, i want to be in situations that could probably result in my death, oh i know i'll hang out with jodi kempf. she also painted a black pony head on my arm with black nail polish.
i know its the same jodi because once she stole a whole pizza from a party and went and ate it in her truck.
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